"Veneer" 10/1/16

Would it surprise you to know in hindsight I was a newbie

To the one-night-stand unlike you I was actually trying hard
To have no expectations it was challenging but I've never been
One to shy away from a social experiment I thought if I tried
To be more like you I might understand you better granted it was 
A subconscious plan an unwitting submission to a feckless fate
I might feel weightless gratified modern redeemed preemptively
Saved from what I'm still not sure oh who are we kidding I imagined
I'd seduced you from multiple stages letting you kiss me
Letting you whisk me away to uncomfortable surroundings
Reverse immersion into my hyper color movie Moroccan pillows 
Glittering sequins shoe-shined silver-lined cinematic skylines
My eyes are burning now not from crying but from this Mohave wind
Out of sight out of mind you said you'd be a friend were you acting then
Or was I just not listening when you un-whispered secrets I must've
Had my ear turned away at that flippant moment when you first revealed 
A shift in character it doesn't take much to pretend to care even a little
The definition of narcissism is less malleable than my need for resolve 
It seems to me a testament to absurdity there was ever a girl you loved 
The way you slammed this unlucky door shut slipped away in the middle 
Of the night minutes after getting what you thought you might want
Enough to take it away you ran what kind of man doesn't even explain
If it was just too irritating to feel something or not enough of what 
You needed all you had to do was say so whether you're an impressive
Flake or a depressive passive-aggressor either way I'm the poorer
For having given the benefit of reverence to a vacuum whose veneer
Of affection whitewashed my typically good judgement the way you looked
Right through me fooled me truth slept soundly while you sure screwed me